ccsparkles gives the what's up

10G Goes to SF; No One Gets Arrested

2005-06-06T15:39:00.000-04:00

The occupants of 10G made the pilgrimage to SF for Chris Fry's wedding and some general hang-out time in the city we called home before we moved to the NYC and became angry and bitter. Here are the highlights and a few lows, since you can't drink for 8 days straight with out at least something semi-ridiculous happening.

I made it out there with out incident. I did, however, get called out by and old man for snoring for like 3 hours straight--embarrassed, (remarkably) I hid in the bathroom for 10 minutes--then I realized I was in the bathroom for 10 minutes which isn't exactly cool either. Finally, I remembered that I do what I want and I went back to my seat to pass out again. Hopefully, I snored really loudly and disrupted his viewing of Ocean's 12.

A $60 cab ride to Jordah's later, Nav and I hit the streets and showed up at a BBQ Birthday for a friend of ours. I got drunk. Since restaurants don't serve food passed 10pm, (my normal dining hour) if you're not paying attention, you'll miss dinner at a normal restaurant and end up at HOME ordering a bunch of sides and drinking strange gin drinks and listening to your iPod at the dinner table. Then we went to Amber, which is conveniently located across the street from Home, and even more conveniently, allows you to smoke. I had a really bad gimlet and fended off some weirdos before I realized I'd been awake for 24 hours and it was time to call it a day, or night...whatever.

See, this is why I can't blog anymore. I have the attention span of a gnat and I'm already bored with this. So this is it. I got drunk every single day, went to Soupenkuche three nights in a row and had meatloaf wrapped in bacon, went to Nori's, went to see the Pixies, my cousin got kicked out of the Pixies show (you go Dave), went sailing out to Tiburon, went to Guyma's, went to a BBQ in Marin, drove around town by myself and didn't get lost which was so money, ran into Tim, the guy I ALWAYS run into when I'm out there, got funky to James Brown, went to Napa, went to a wedding, the photographer took a picture of my breasts presumably cause they looked awesome in my dress, soent a bunch of time in the hot tub drinking pina coladas, went swimming in the Russian River, went to the beach, played horse shoes, lost, saw people I haven't seen in 17 years, watched them stare in awe as I chain smoked and cursed--I believe Will said it best "But, you're 8..." watched people get naked frolic in our hot tub making subsequent use of it impossible, danced salsa with J, did the bump with J to the Pharcyde while DJ Snowman spun on our deck (if anyone knows who that guy is or where he came from, I'd be interested to know since it seemed like he fell out of the sky) But I think the best moment came from Rob, as it often does. Rob hooked up with "Bob Marley" a white girl with dreads down to her ass. The funniest part isn't that in order to score with this chick, he had to get in the hot tub with all the other "naked people" but that she's 20 and the next morning, her PARENTS came to the house looking for her and the Turtle had to diffuse the situation sighting that all the siblings of the groom stayed over and so everything was chill. Good work Rob.

Tonight I'll Take What I Pay For

2005-05-20T11:52:00.000-04:00

So, I was going to do a play by play of jazz fest (a month late, bovs.) But instead I'll just give a general feel. Basically, Ziggy and I were rock stars. And when I say rock stars, I mean ROCK STARS. Especially at the Drive By Trucker shows. You know you're a rock star of the super ultra mega variety when you're hanging over a balcony screaming PLAY SOME SKYNYRD! There was lots of drinking at Snake 'n Jakes. There were "roadies" and rides home from sketched out N'Awleans locals who invited themselves into our house. There was fried chicken and crawfish Monica. There were hurricanes at Patty O'Brians. There was black jack at O'Harah's. When Dars arrived, there was also insane amounts of Jaeger consumed. People fell down. Several times. I laughed at them (and when I say "them" I mean Dars) cause when absurdly tall people fall down, it's always really funny cause they have so far to go. There was a completely and totally cracked out Brian Wilson. And fo course there was dancing. Lot's of dancing. I pulled out the old tap dance moves at Tips and Ziggy and I did the "Mardi Gras Umbrella" dance. We totally GOT 'ER DONE. And unlike my last trip to the Big Easy, I managed to stay with the group and not wake up in the gutter. Sweet.

Tonight Ziggy, in from SF, and I will have a decidedly more mellow evening of music as we head to Theivery Corp. The J-Mizz makes his second concert appearance of the season since James Brown. In our on going effort to do "the bump" in as many places world wide as is humanly possible, the J-Mizznazzle and I got down to "Make it Funky" and blessed B.B.Kings with our superior "bump" skills.

Last week, Weezer was also on the bill. It was the worst concert I've ever seen. Ever. Jansens and I wondered why there was no one by the bar at Roseland. We then realized it was because everyone was 15. Yeah. The kids were singing along so loudly that I couldn't even hear the band, the band who clearly didn't want to be there. But as any outing does with the Artist Formerly Known as SNAKE, the =w= show had its moments. Like when all the girls in front of me started screaming "Rivers, Brian...WE LOVE YOU!!!" I came back with, "I'M LEGAL!" And during the encore, instead of requesting songs the band actually sings, I called for Misty Mountain Hop and EJ wanted Barracuda.

Friday saw the return of the Miguel and CC show. Reunited after WAY to long, Michael and I hammed it up at a party celebrating the third place win of his roommate, the dashing Brandon (who looks frighteningly like NPH),in a "my apartment in insanely small but look what I've accomplished with some smoke and mirrors" contest. I drank too many gimlets (what was I supposed to do, they were free), went out with a bunch of people I didn't know, and pretty much made an ass of myself. Pretty typical Friday. One of my better lines that night was at the end of my evening, after I left the people I didn't know, and come to think of it, I had no idea where I was either, I went to go pick up Nav. He was at a crappy bar and I had no interest in being there, and I wasn't sure what was keeping Nav there. So I decided to explain to him that (in my stage whisper, which is really a yell) THERE ARE NO HOT GIRLS HERE LET'S GO! And of course Nav was surrounded by women. Fed up with Nav's insistence on staying, I left.

He's Such A Loser...Baby

2005-04-19T11:30:00.000-04:00

Ok. So I know he's come out with a new album, and from the little I've heard off of it, it seems better than the last piece of trash he put out...But let's face it: Beck isn't that great anymore. Which is totally fine. You can't expect someone to turn out great music or books or even herb encrusted rack of lamb for the rest of his or life. Then why is that people can't just except it? Still, the "alterna-nerds" were clamoring for tickets to the "secret show." Clearly, I'm in a race with myself to see how many concerts I can get to in my lifetime (I've even got a best evs in Espana working to get me tickets to the SOLD OUT Cream shows in Londres--the only catch is that I have to pretend to work for Billboard, which won't be too hard of a stretch considering the time I masqueraded as a member of the AP during the [gasp] Eiffel 65 show in the A-Tizz....And there we have confirmation of the aforementioned contest---and my best evs has to sell himself.) Anyway...The last few times I've seen Mr. Hanson, it's been crap. The acoustic performance he gave at Coachella last summer was so lame, I left. But I suppose If you've never seen him before, why miss the opportunity to do so. So I guess this has been a pretty moot post.

In other news:

I'm pretty psyched that this guy is our new Pope. Not that I have any idea who he is really, but he's brings with him the possibility (however unlikely) of some reforms in the Church. Some people are up in arms about the fact that he used to be a "Nazi." What those people don't seem to realize is that ALL young German males were required to joint Hitler's Youth, and it's no secret that Adlof wasn't too keen on the Catholics either. Well over a million of us were also executed. Also, I'm digging that he took Benedict. So awesome.

UPADTE: Yeah, so this guy's a conservative, orthodox zealot. obvs. What was I thinking. This is

or not

2005-03-27T20:04:00.000-05:00

But whatever. Michigan still sucks.

Holy Shit

2005-03-27T19:27:00.000-05:00

What a game. NCAA RULES! Unbelievable! Sparks ices over and then brings it back. Michigan sucks. Long live the SOUTH!!!!

N'Y Pensez Pas Trop

2005-03-22T12:48:00.000-05:00

Spring is finally here. Well, in name anyway. For me, this means an increase in Bosanova, and of course my ubiquitous Spring album: the La Belle Histoire soundtrack will be broken out. Spring also brings with it the opening of Tom Collins season; we'll have the opener at the Boat House this year. And of course, the Spring party season arrives courtesy of Brown & Brown Productions. We'll kick off this year at 10G, probably on April 16th. Spring is always my best time of year, and even though a bunch of people tried to fuck it up last year, it was still awesome.

In other news, last night we watched Shaun of the Dead which was pretty much best ever. I won 10 bucks from Nav, it was triumphant.

Noah (aka PTF) comes to visit this weekend. Unfortch, unlike everyone else in the free world, I actually have to work on Friday which blows, but I'll catch up with the gang for cocktails and shenanigans in the post work hours. It that his younger brother, who will be in tow, is finally of the drinking age---this is going to be a good one.

But I'll Just Keep on Rollin' Along With the Grace of the Lord Above.

2005-03-17T14:44:00.000-05:00

When you find what completes you, it's a magical moment. It's like coming home, going on a fantastic journey, being lifted into the heavens and descending to Earth all at the same time. This is the way I've always felt about Led Zeppelin. From scrawling the lyrics to "Misty Mountain Hop" all over my book covers in 3rd grade to building a Physical Graffiti sand castle with the J-Mizz, Zeppelin has shared some of the best and not so best times with me. I haven't listened to them in a while- I've been preoccupied with other, less gritty ditties-but just now, listening to Mr. Plant's warble on, "Since I've Been Loving You" I'm reminded of the true power of music.

In light of this, I will be playing only Zeppelin tonight while we're out. I'm definitely playing "Heartbreaker" into "Livin' Lovin' Maid" which is the best duo EVER. Even better than the rare-ish DEAD couple "Scarlet" "Fire."

Yeah, ain't but one thing to do Spend my natural life with you,
You're the finest [band] I knew, so fine.

Whiskey for the Leprechauns! Whiskey for the Leprechauns!

2005-03-17T09:49:00.001-05:00

I always greet St. Patrick's Day with equal parts giddy anticipation and unequivocal fear. It's a holiday that starts out with the best intentions (having a "roast turkey dinner" aka Guinness) but usually ends up with someone going to the hospital or climbing through my window. Each year, I shudder with the knowledge that some crazy freaked-out thing is going to happen to me and I have absolutely no control over it. Some say the loonies come out on Halloween, in my world, however, they wait for a holiday that revolves around getting good and liquored up. Game on.

The other thing that has remained constant throughout the years is my "Luck of the Irish" speech. It was first delivered so brilliantly by John Belushi on SNL and I have tried to carry on the tradition. In elementary and high school, I simply recited the speech for anyone who would listen, and most people didn't get it. But, by the time I got to college, it quickly became a thing of legend--requiring me to stand on the roof top of a house or two in order to re-enact the scene for a larger audience. In recent years, I've taken the show on the road. St. Patrick's Day 2002 was spent driving by myself from Tennessee to Alabama. I decided to stop in Chattanooga for the grandest setting the speech has ever seen. ROCK CITY. Here, amongst the fake stalagtites and super creepy talking gnomes, I gave the speech to SEVEN STATES at once. It was a triumphant day and one that I won't soon forget.

This year, I'll be spending St. Patrick's Day with a few close friends. Clearly the speech will be given, maybe not from a roof top, and maybe not from a mountain top--but from the top of my lungs and the bottom of my heart.

So Hott, So Best/So Not for All the Rest

2005-03-16T12:34:00.000-05:00

Joan Jett is playing a Super Special Concert at Webster Hall on April 7th. You get "FREE" tickets when you buy her new album at Best Buy...that costs 17.99.

The Cocteau Twins have pulled out of Coachella. I'm not going this year in favor of JAZZ FEST and visiting Pands and Spence on the back end. This is the only band I was sad about missing since I'm seeing most of the others as they come through the NYC. It sucks for all those who awnted to bake in the sun while listening to Blubeard. Durst.
All of the above from Jasonproductshop.

Have I Mentioned that My Life is Over?

2005-03-16T10:43:00.000-05:00

So once again I've sabotaged my own happiness. I find the ease with which I can accomplish this task, amazing. I wish I could get a job doing it. I am, however, adding it to my skill set on my resume right after "proficient in French."
Some good things do happen each time I shoot myself in the foot. I often drop the novels or non-fiction works that I'm reading and retreat into short stories, and short or short-short non-fiction narratives. This in turn motivates me to write (for real, not the crap I throw up on the internerd). Writing is perhaps my favorite thing to do besides singing and dancing, but mostly I reserve the latter two for times when I'm not feeling the triumph of my own stupidity (unless of course, you count the relentless, sorrow filled "Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child" that continues to spin in my head)
Ok anyway, other tricks that I use to steer myself out of the pits of despair include prisms. Prisims are a lot of fun. They're not only really really pretty, you can work out cool mathematical functions trying to figure them out.

Kaleidoscopes (I realize that this is the Rose Window, but it looks like a kaleidoscope and all the kaleidoscope sites are shit). I was obsessd with these devices as a child. The changing patterns and swirling colors as so existential/zen or whatevs.

Um, yeah...

Anyway, did you know that Boy George was responsible for Richard Bronson buying/creating Virgin Airways? It's true. Bronson made so much cash off of Culture Club that decided to by an airline. Sweet.

One More in the Name of Love

2005-03-15T12:09:00.000-05:00

Well, acutally TWO more in the name of love. U2 announced through Bilboard that they'll be playing two more NYC dates (November 21-22) at MSG. Tickets go onsale Monday the 21st...get that refresh button ready.

The Ides are Upon Us

2005-03-15T11:01:00.000-05:00

The week surrounding the Ides of March has traditionally had an above average strangeness factor for me. All kinds of crazy shit has happened to me during this week in the past and as much as I try to execute preventitive measures in an effort to avoid said crazy shit, this week never fails to kick my ass. So this year, instead of hiding away (I actually tried to lock myself in my dorm room in 1998 but the crazies just entered through the window---foreals) I'm facing this years Ides with open arms. ...and speaking of crazies, ladies and gentlemen, Brittney Spears:

Here's her advice for Michael Jackson:

"If he did those things, I feel sorry for him. I feel like he probably feels alone, and he needs some help.

"He needs someone to be like, 'OK, let's buck you up, let's give you a moustache, let's rough you up, let's go to a bar, let's get drunk and be a man.'

"And if he didn't do those things, I feel sorry for him. Either way, he needs to get in a fight."

Water Will Change to Cherry Wine

2005-03-14T15:08:00.000-05:00

This weekend had a lot of potential. Some of it was lived up to, some of it makes me want to go on a bender.

Friday was spent in the land of severe hangovers. This was due in large part to THE ONE AND ONLY PANDA making a guest appearance the city fka Panda's Playground. It was so good to see her. This town just hasn't been the same since she left, not to mention my extreme sadness in her departure. So we did what we do best, get trashed and make HUGE plans (and by plans, I mean asses of ourselves). Highlights of Thursday night include us setting the carpet at the Royalton on fire and having a cry about what, I can't remember.

Friday evening was all about EJ's performance at the UCB Theatre. So Much Best. They were awesome. Like a MILLION times more awesome than my class last summer. SPACE PIRATES. Whatevs.

Friday might, Spencer got into town and we all chilled out for a while. Pands and Spence went out but I opted to stay home since I was five paces from death. The J-Razz, fresh from the strip-club, and I DJ'd Steely Dan and had some wine. It was relaxing and I was so glad I didn't have to spend five hours at a bar drinking shitty drinks while wishing I was home listing to Countdown to ecstasy.

Spence and I took a walk the next morning and then I went to meet up with Nick and Guy so we could walk around and eat Apple Fritters and buy obnoxiously priced polo shirts at Marc Jacobs.

Then it was off to Bensonhurst for Bailey's birthday. Holy Shit. I've never been so far away in my life. I didn't know that it could take an hour and a half to get somewhere and still be in New York. But it was way worth it cause we had the BEST TIME EVER. I ate bunnies and we could smoke in the restaurant which was clutch.

After I got back to the city, I met up with Andrew, who is the most fabulous person ever (mostly cause he's British, but he's pretty cool just as a person too). I tried desperately and unsuccessfully to hang on to sobriety. Then Van came and it was downhill from there. I spent a large part of the remainder of the evening with my head in my hands saying things like "oh dear god, no" and "oh my god I can't believe you just said that..." It was fablacular to say the least. But c'est la vie. Then we went home and had screwdrivers at 8 in the morning.

On Sunday, I got up and went for a walk and then met Bails for brunch. She suggested I rent Here On Earth. It was THE WORST MOVIE EVER. I recommend renting it simply so you experience the worst movie ever. EVER.

Then I met up with Nick, Guy and Carl at Landmark Sunshine to see The See Inside. It was awesome, and not just because I'm obsessed with quadrapaligics and used to pretend I was a parapalegic in college. I highly reccomend going to this movie immediatado. Then we had dinner at Elephant. I had Duck. It was good. My life is officially boring. And....freeze.

Oh, but I did get James Brown tickets and that's pretty sweet.

Park That Car, Drop That Phone

2005-03-09T15:43:00.000-05:00

Concert Update
I'm going to try and get to as many of these as possible. Tickets on sale NOW.

March
10-22 Allman Bros Beacon Theatre
21 Backstreet Boys Irving PLaza
23-30 Black Crowes Hammerstein
28 The Walkmen Irving Plaza

April

3 LCD Sound System
Bloc Party
4 Dogs Die In Hot Cars and Phoenix Irving Plaza
4 Lou Reed Crobar
5 Psychedelic Furs Supper Club
9 And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead Irving Plaza
10 And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead Irving Plaza
13 Duran Duran MSG
14 Widespread Panic Radio City
14-22 Earsure Irving Plaza
21-24 Lenny Kravitz Beacon
25 Bob Dylan Beacon
22 Elvis Costello Beacon Theatre
23-30 JAZZ FEST N'Orleans, LA
28 New York Dolls Irving Plaza

May
The Decemberists Irving Plaza

Blinged Out Brooklyn Stizz

2005-03-08T14:05:00.000-05:00

Posh outfitted her son, Brooklyn with earings that match her footballing husband, Becks', famous $150,000 ghetto studs. So basically she spent $50,000 on something that's going to make her child look like a total douchebag. I can just see this kid in 6 months..."Mummy, I've lost my bling -bling in the Marmite. Can we get Jacob to whip up another?" So ridiculous. Unless you're King Louis the IVX or Prince, a guy (much less a CHILD) decked out in jewels is all kinds of wrong.
Note: The above picture is not Jacob the Jeweler, it's Jesus.

And Everybody Knows It

2005-03-08T11:16:00.000-05:00

The What's Up returns after a few months on hiatus. Why? Mostly cause I've had a real lot of coffee and I'm waiting to get some documents in before I can "work." Another reason for the sudden resurgence is: Spring is coming. That means tons of shows, lots of drinking and of course those priceless encounters with the oposite sex. Sure, there are some great ones from over the winter, like the time I made out with Jimmy Falon afterwhich he stalked me for a week. And the guy who, after knowing me for five minutes, proceded to tell me he was in love with me and had dreams about me and pretty much showed up at my house naked. But let's face it, all those Saturdays spent swilling champers at ten o'clock in the morning DJ-ing "mission control" style do not an exciting blog make. I'm espcially looking forward to April when The Army of Fun takes on JAZZ FEST. Will I be able to stay with the group and not wake up on the "wrong side of town" in the gutter a la Mardi Gras 2000? Stay tuned.

This is The What's Up. Betta Ask Somebody About It. What.

This Could Very Easily Have Been Us...

2004-12-20T15:27:00.000-05:00

So, apparently this guy text messaged his wife saying that the plane he was traveling on was commandeered by terrorists. The wife freaked out, called the embassy who called Anti-Terrorist negociators---you see where this is going. Awesome. Dude was detained and then released without charge. The J-Mizz and I heard about this and realized we just had a close call. This is totally something we would do--now we know not to. Two weeks ago the inhabitants of 10G went to BLT Steak for some meat and PVW Family Reserve. After dinner we called out to SF but several people out there seemed too preoccupied with themselves to give us proper attention. We weren't having any of it. So the plan was for me to call up Mr. Va Boop "in a panic." In an Oscar winning performance, I made the call and told RVB that Nav had collapsed on the floor and appeared to be having a heart attack and ,"I don't know what to do...". Rob of course flipped out screaming, "Call 911! Call 911!" Then he heard us laughing in the background. I told that story to someone after the fact; he didn't really see the humor in it.

WORST EVER

2004-11-17T15:58:00.000-05:00

I hated these when they first came out and all the model/socialite wannabes wore them IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER. I hated them last year when people were STILL pretending that we live in Lapland. But holy shit people, if you are still wearing these shoes, give up. I mean, a) they're just plain ugly, but more importantly b) it's NOT COLD so if you're even going to pretend that you're wearing them because they're lined with shearling you're busted. Britney wears them. Attention: THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING. So by all means, in the next few months, protect your feet from the cold and slush by investing in a nice pair of boots. But if they're fucking bright pink bugly shoes you bought to fit in---sorry, you lose.

Losers Need Not Apply for The Winner's Chair

2004-11-15T15:19:00.000-05:00

I spent most of the day on Saturday at a conference, attempting to give the impression of Claire Catherine as an eager, insightful and driven member of society. I'm pretty sure it went well. Then I was off to some twilight furniture shopping with Nav. The above chaise is the new Winner's Chair. We're going to be strict about the people we let sit in The Winner's Chair. The Winner's Chair is not to be fucked with and is an honor that one must take very seriously. Yeah.
Feeling pretty satisfied with the furniture we picked out, Nav and I made our way to Pierre for some post shopping cocktails. People watching at NYC's other Four Seasons is great because you it allows you to take in the City of yesteryear. A haven for hipsters, this place is not.
We dressed for dinner and decided on a recurrent known for it's wild game. But as we left the house, we realized that we didn't feel like making a production out of dinner and grabbed entree on the way to Junno's.

There tons of people at Junno's which was good. Then I noticed that people had these balloon animals and a horrible thought swept through my mind....Was Brian (or was it Ryan..Or neither...) finally having his "party with balloon animals"? You may remember Ryan (Brian, whatever) from such disasters as "Don't feel the need to rock out...," "There was this eight year old kid looking down your shirt and at first, I was going to say something to him, but then I was like YEAH, RIGHT ON!" and of course, "you should throw me a party and have this guy come an make balloon animals..." That one came when he took me to a restaurant. A restaurant with a clown. But the gods were smiling on me Brian/Ryan was no where to be found. There was, however, someone dressed up in a neon pink gorilla costume. Clearly.

We decided to play some poker. A nice friendly game between friendly people. I was even chip leader for am moment. But then, all these unfriendly people started buying into the game. They were extremely obnoxious. At one point this girl attempted to have words with me over the fact that I allegedly didn't say check (when in fact, I said it three times, she was just a fool) so I countered with, "go fuck yourself." I ended up losing. I have to say it was probably the only time I've ever been psyched about losing; I was able to leave the table and go hang out with friends instead of trashy bastards. The best part was when Nav took the pot, beating the boyfriend of the obnoxious girl. This girl took her boyfriend to the back of the bar and started yelling at him for losing. We all laughed. So Saturday was a lot of fun. EJ and I got some brainstorming done with regards to the bash we're throwing next month. And I got to ramble on about my love for Led Zeppelin, Yes and Steely Dan and no one told me to shut up. Saturday goes in the victory catagory.

Way Down Below the Ocean Where I Wanna Be She May Be

2004-11-15T13:15:00.000-05:00

My antediluvian baby has been found. Atlantis was discovered off the coast of Cyprus. See, some things aren't fantasies or myths....and wishing can make it so.
MSN had an article entilted Is Daydreaming Healthy? Luckily, WebMD decided that it is. Thank God, since that's pretty much all I do. Imagine, now society is questioning the validity of dreaming. I'm moving to Atlantis.

As They Say Below the Mason-Dixon: What Now?

2004-11-12T10:37:00.000-05:00

Really, what I'm more surprised about here, is the fact that this woman is 59 and has 14 grand-children and 6 great-grand -children. I guess the fact that she's having twins won't be that big of a deal.

Word Mother Fucker

2004-11-11T18:10:00.000-05:00

Apparently, Nick Carter got a skull and cross bones to replance his Paris tatoo, which, by the way, he got a mere three weeks before he beat her (or she was doing a photo shoot where she posed as a battered woman, I can't remember what the verdict was on that) and they broke up. Duh. Don't ever get a tatoo of your lovers name. Didn't anyone learn from Johnny and Winona? It's never a good idea, obvs.

Hair Dude, Your're Stepping on My Mystique

2004-11-11T13:57:00.000-05:00

Word on the street is a new Out Hud album is dropping in 2005. Awsome.
Also, they're playing a random show at the Mercury Lounge December 4th. So much awsome.

Artsy Goings-on On the LES? Noooooooooo.

2004-11-11T13:14:00.000-05:00

For moives, plays and bands every single night this November, go here.

I'm Famous in Israel

2004-11-11T13:13:00.000-05:00

My close friend in Saudi Arabia sent me a friendster message out of the blue the other day. When I went to retrieve the message, it turned out that a whole bunch of people have been sending me messages over the past few months. Most were from complete strangers who wrote things like "you sound cool, let's chat" or "I'd like to get into your pants." In all of them the author used punctuation to make facial expressions (busted). One message, however, caught my eye. This guy wrote to tell me he's using a picture of me on the cover of an Israeli CD collection. Wha? Whatever that means, you can bet I'm never going to see an royalties.

Happy Birthday

2004-11-10T17:23:00.000-05:00

Martin Luther

Warren G

To two people who didn't see the world the in the same way as everyone around them. And who preached the Gospel. One love y'all.

...And There Was Much Rejoicing

2004-11-10T17:13:00.000-05:00

Jesus Freak Attorney General John Ashcroft bids the White House adieu. I'm taking bets on if he winds up leading people into the Nevada desert for a mass suicide.

About Town: Where Culture (a term I use loosely) and Drinking Live in Wedded Bliss

2004-11-10T11:58:00.000-05:00

Michael Solis, my favorite wooden boy just joined The Revolution, an improv troupe. See him in all of his glory TONIGHT @
The Improv Comedy Club located on53rd St. b/w 8th and 9th Ave. The show starts at 9:30pm and there's a $5 cover.

Yo La Tengo FINALLY gives the NYC some love after dissing us a few months ago...Catch them for a whole week at Maxwells begining Dec. 7th-14th.

Veronika's Birthday is showing at the Jewish Womens Film Festival Sunday November 14 as part of session 2 (2:30-5:30pm), http://www.ncjwny.org/, 212-687-5030. The screening will take place at Florence Gould Hall, French Institute Alliance Francaise, 55 East 59th Street (Between Park and Madison Ave. My friend Jesssssicccccca directed it. Also the FIAF is awsome so get there.

Eddie Izzard, comic genius is doing an instore at VirginMega (USQ) on Monday the 15th at 7 o'clock in the evening. I'll be there cause I'm an anglophile.

At The Met: Tapastries of the Andes. I'm obsessed with Tapastries of the Medieval period so this is a real treat for me. Also of interest is China: Dawn of a Golden age.

At The Gugg: Aztechs and Kieth Harring. Both are in till February.

Emo Finds a Way

2004-11-08T16:02:00.000-05:00

The Postal Service struck a deal with the USPS that allows them to keep the already copyrighted name. In return, Death Cab's cutie Ben Gibbard and electronics master Jimmy Tamborello are doing promo for the Federal agency that breeds the most disgruntled workers. Be there Nov 17th when they perform at the US Postal Service convention in D.C. security will be high.

Other shows coming up:

Modest MouseNov 9 at Radio City Music Hall
MuseNov 9 at Webster Hall
Radio 4Nov 10 at Southpaw
The Arcade Fire, The Hidden Cameras, Dirty on PurposeNov 11 at Bowery Ballroom
Matthew Sweet + Velvet Crush Nov 12 at Irving Plaza
The Magnetic Fields Nov 18 at Carnegie Hall
Badly Drawn Boy + AdemNov 20 at Town Hall

Ping Pong Pirates Goods Pleasure Long

2004-11-03T11:02:00.000-05:00

After many weeks, cc's back. I've been uber busy with "work" and assorted other things. Also, I've been pretty sad as of late (so sad, in fact, that Toad the Wet Sprocket couldn't even help---I actually went two whole days listening to NO MUSIC AT ALL) and therefore, uninspired. But this weekend, I saw something that changed all that: a man wearing a patch that said PING PONG PIRATES GOODS PLEASURE LONG. I have no idea what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's the answer to the riddle of life. So I figured, whatevs, LET'S FIGHTING LOVE, and I'm getting on with the show.
I'm not commenting on the election until it's over...and it's not over yet.

I Don't Even Know What to Say About This

2004-10-15T10:45:00.000-04:00

Ok, while no one can (or should be required to) look good all the time, there just HAVE to be some limits. This is Josh Hartnett. He has MILLIONS of dollars. Get an effing shave you loser. You AREN'T going to pick up chicks looking like Harry Potter aftera weekend spent "under the bridge" on a amphetimine binge. Fool.

Franz Plays Hogwarts

2004-10-14T17:43:00.000-04:00

Since the Firdinands are the fave band of Spell Caster Potter, they're going to play the prom (or whatevs) in the next Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Scottish Hipsters. Maybe they'll play Cheating On You to out Hermini's love affair with Mr. Weasley.

If By Shave Creme You Mean...

2004-10-14T15:17:00.000-04:00

I have all this stuff to do at work today so I haven't been able to compile all the fantastic things that are happening here, there and everywhere, so I'm just going to share my own retardedness.
I haven't washed my own clothes in about 5 years and even then it was questionable. In my new home, I have a washer/dryer in my bathroom. Last night I did some laundry and it was the greatest thing ever. My clothes were actually fluffy and smelled like fresh dewdrops as opposed to kind of stiff and smelling like nothing. I was in such a good mood this morning that I even heated up a towel for myself while I was in the shower. When I moved, I found all these great beauty products that I had forgotten about, one being refreshing mint body wash and lotion. I decided to use the lotion. I felt kind of weird as it went on and didn't smell like anything. After reading the label, I realized it was shaving creme. Yes, that's right shaving creme for men.

Smindies Get Together

2004-10-14T15:02:00.000-04:00

My favorite Smindie, Ms. Mandy Moore has found herself a compatable mate in Zach Braff. They're both adorable, talented and of course Smindie. Hopefully this will go better than her stint with that soon to be has been tennis pro boffing rich middle aged housewives for tips. Bravo, lady.

Hott, Rich, College Guys

2004-10-12T15:42:00.000-04:00

This is the new bestest thing. So I'm home in A-town due to certain people wanting a look at my brain waves, and I'm driving down the street-- and what to my wondering eyes should appear but an uber hott guy on a shiney new deer (and by deer, clearly I mean Audi). We shared a glance and a nod as all Adui drivers do, and it was like BAM this is why guys always want to go out with either young girls or stupid girls--cause they won't care how you treat them and they'll follow you around, buy you shit and compliment you on everything--even if they have no idea what you're talking about. And as an extra added bonus, they don't really care if you cheat on them, which, by nature (or ownership at least) I'm required to do. So my new plan is hott, rich college guys because they are the new twenty-something stupid girl.

...Let's Fighting Love

2004-09-30T13:12:00.000-04:00

Japan has it all. Vending machines that sell jeans (not to mention underwear) indoor surfing AND skiing and now, the man that will never leave. Need a little cuddling with out all the hassle of a flesh and blood human? Or maybe, you just enjoy sleeping with headless people and you live in Cali. Try Kameo Corps' "Boyfriend's Arm Pillow."
Here's what Suzuki has to say about her new Man: "It keeps holding me all the way through," she said in her home outside of Tokyo. "I think this is great because this does not betray me."
Um, yeah.
And they're even coming up with special pillows for those who desire beefcakes as well as whiny emo types.

Naked Ladies Join Monkeys and Partriges

2004-09-29T11:56:00.000-04:00

Fox just bought a pilot for a BNL variety show. At least we know it'll be funny. BNL are Canadian. Canadians are always funny. ALWAYS.
It'd be cool if we could get back to the 40's and 50's when there were real entertainers like Bing, Fred and Ginger. But I fear that Hollywood just assumes that if you're talented (or not even) in one aspect of the performing arts, you must be adept at all of them. Not true, I say. Clears.

Adam Duritz is EVERYWHERE

2004-09-29T09:49:00.000-04:00

*
What's with this guy? The last song the Counting Crows recorded was for Shrek 2 and it wasn't even good. Yet, even I blogged about him a few weeks ago when I bought their greatest hits (which I'm still enjoying, free of shame? Recent Duritz news includes a sighting at a sitcom taping (which one, I can't remember) with some super hottie that he is no doubt banging. Then, he was at Da Silvano or Matsuri or something with yet another stick figure he was probably boning. Methinks he's the David Spade of the music world. For those of you who missed it, apparently, Mr. Spade has a way with the ladies no one can explain.
In his latest musical endeavor, Adam is collaberating with my favorite, Mandy Moore (clearly smindy) and....the Olsen twins. Yep, MK and the Ash are getting musical on our asses. I'm putting in my order now. I'm thinking they're going to go for a hip-hop/electronica/dance/emo/brit pop vibe with a few lines about the paperazzi and how they just want to be left alone.
Mandy needs to get out of this relationship--it could be career suicide. As for Mr. Duritz, his full title is Lord Sir Adam Fredric Duritz and one of his favorite bands is Negro Problem so basically, he can do what he wants.
* I completely stole this photo from stereogum.

I Wasn't Aware One Could Surf the English Channel

2004-09-28T14:49:00.000-04:00

Recently, England has tried to ban fox hunting, first outlawing hounds and now lawmakers are trying to do away with the ritual all together. Out came the protesters who dumped the carcasses of horses and calves (cows why?) in the street and waved banners that read FOX OFF BLAIR. But the truly harcore prosters were Surfers 4 Hunting. Blokes got on their surfboards and rode the "waves" of the English Channel while the Betties jumped topless into the icy waters. That'll show parliment they can't ban fox hunting without a fight.

Mourning the Death of Gentleman Jack

2004-09-28T13:54:00.000-04:00

Sorrow is in the hearts of all who have ever enjoyed an evening (or a lifetime, whatever) with JD, this week. A few of the "researchers" at the distilleries in Lynchburg came to the conclusion that people wanted a less potent whiskey, 80 proof to be exact. I haven't heard something so ridiculous since Vanilla Ice tried to turn himself into a hardcore gangsta rapper. If you want a less potent whiskey, drink Vodka, douchebags. Strangely enough, this isn't the first assault on the 138 year old Tennessee elixer. Originally, Jack Daniels was 90 proof. But this latest attack brings old John down to the level of such rot gut as Jaquins and my personal favorite gasoline substitute, Wolfschmidtz. I'd like to know who these people are who want a less potent Jack. I'd like to get really drunk and scream at them for hours (a skill for which I'm known far and wide) and then send them to Florida where they'll spend the rest of their pathetic lives at Ft. Clinch. They're probably in cahoots with the people who want to ban foie gras in Cali. I'm talking to you Mr. McCartney. Way beyond busted.

A Petition for Better Lighting in Bars

2004-09-27T16:16:00.000-04:00

This past week I prepared to move from the cave of dispare to 10G, the newest instalment in a long line of crazy living spaces. In this case, "crazy" actually means good; not crazy like the house the town's people of Springfield built for Flanders, but I've done that kind of crazy too. The J-breezy, VAN and I are still unpacking but on Saturday after a week of sobriety, it was time for some 54, 40 or fight. I was supposed to head out to B-lyn to Adam's new digs, but I was so wrecked from moving that I decided it would be prudent for me to stay in the NYC. This turned out to be a really good move as I proceded to get obliterated on a mere four drinks. I was astounded. How could I possible get so ridiculous after having a appetizer sized amount of drinks. The world may never know. This is what happened.
J and I went to best ev cousin Jamie's for a few pounders before heading out. here, I consumed about 12 oz of my 16 Bud. We went over to the Garment district to a party a friend of Jamie's was having. It was hot. I'm talking equator hot. The sweat was pouring off of everyone. After a moment, I noticed something about the people there. Some were dressed in the casual slut wear offered by abercrombie and fitch, while others were dressed in fishnets and leather...and as preists. I can only assume it was an attempt at a Tarts and Viccars party but was affraid to ask after a story my friend Blair told me. A few weeks ago, he was at a club that was holding a bondage party later in the evening. As he was chatting up a girl who was provocativly dressed, he asked if she was there for the impending bondage event. She looked at him, stunned and said no. Blair ran off.
In the upstaris part of the appartment there was a full on game of beirut going on. Yes, I was at a frat party. But I wasn't drunk and I didn't know anyone there, and you couldn't smoke so I finshed my beer and rallyed everyone to go to my friend Carl's birthday party. Which was, of course, a huge gay dance party. To ABBA and Madonna we grooved and Carl made me some sort of Jupitor Juice. At around 2, we came to the realization that (and I quote the J-man) "We're in New York, we can do whatever we want, let's go to the Hog Pit." So we left the Castro (Murray Hill) and headed to the Meatpacking. This is where I realize that I'm wasted and I've had THREE drinks. The Hog Pit was a disater so we went over to Rhone. The bar at Rhone is in the middle of the room so the other patrons can see one another. From across the bar, I noticed this guy eyeing me. I found this really amusing. We were all like is this guy for real? That's when the drink he ordered for me arrived. Lauren convinced me I should go over and thank him, as that's the polite thing to do. I agreed as it is proper etiquette to offer thanks to a gentleman who has just bought you a drink. And I thought, through my drunken haze and the dim lighting that perhaps this person may even be good-looking. As a approached however, the truth revealed itself. He was a pock-marked decendent of an extra in a Mad Max film. I chatted with him for a while, about what, I have no idea and then it was time to go.
We got in a cab and had the brilliant idea to go get cheese-steaks at the only good cheese-steak place in town on 33rd St. The shop was closed, so instead we bought 15 different slices of pizza. As we were walking abck to Lauren's who shows up on the corner out of nowhere? That's right, Mad Max throw back. Crazy. I made a whole bunch of drunken phone calls as well. I'm not sure to whom and I'm not checking my phone cause I don't want to know. If I happened to call you, accept my appologies.

1825, 1824, 1823...

2004-09-27T16:11:00.000-04:00

It's time to start counting till that strange Irish giant takes over for Mr. Tonight, Jay Leno. It's only 5 years away. Some say hottest countdown since Mary-Kate and Ashley turned 18.

I'm Gonna Fuck Ye Up

2004-09-27T15:40:00.000-04:00

Shit I thought I was going to have to wait untill I got ragingly drunk at Medieval Times to use that phrase. Turns out, Sinade O'Connor blasphemere extrodinare and gratuitous user of "ye," took out a full page ad in an Irish news paper in an attempt to get people to stop making fun of her. Really people, trying to organize a national Delousing Day is no laughing matter.

Cat Stevens Gets off the Peace Train

2004-09-22T13:52:00.000-04:00

Cat (aka Yusuf islam) is getting deported. Yes, the writer of such timesless hits as "Wild World" and "Morning Has Broken" is being sent back to his native England after being denied entry to the US because....HE'S ON A TERRORIST WATCH LIST. They even diverted the plain to Bangor, Maine when US Airlines found out he was on the plane. Perhaps they thought Pennywise would eat him.

Wild world indeed. Aparently, Yusuf's given funs to the militant Islamic group Hamas. But wait, haven't we all done that when buy dope, cigaretts and firearms (at least that's what the television tells me)? Oh and for those of you who forgot, he also supported the Ayatollah Khomeini's death sentence against novelist Salman Rushdie. See ya Cat--your music sucked anyway. Busted, clearly.

Captain Cupake's Ship Runs Aground

2004-09-22T13:16:00.000-04:00

Interstate Bakeries Corp. has just filed for Chapter 11. This spells Trouble with a capital T for Captain Cipcake, Twinkie the Kid, Happy Ho Ho and my personal favorite, Fruit Pie the Magician. I used to eat at least one of these sugary bits of heaven for lunch everyday from grades 6-8 (with a side of chocolate e-clair ice cream bar and an orange aid). I'm going to stock up on my favorite Hostess Cakes right now in case there's a run. All of you who grew up on that oddity I like to call Wonderbread (is it even really bread?), you best get to your local Wal-Mart ASAP that shit's gonna go faster than you can say Chauncey Choco-Dile. In the meantime, the Stars of Hostess can hang out with this kid, he got kicked off the plyground.

CC Moves to Mars

2004-09-21T15:40:00.000-04:00

Back in August, I said I'd be off to Mars if the rumors were true. The rumors being that the cast of the O.C. was going to open up a "night club" a la the Peach Pitt After Dark and have bands guest star. Bands such as the Walkmen, Modest Mouse and The Killers. I mean I guess it brings some ok bands to the attention of mainstream America, and that's always a good thing but.... And the Flaming Lips did appear on 90210 which was pretty dope. But calling the "spot" The Bait Shop? Unacceptable. We have a Bait Shop over in Madison Park here in the NYC and it's not great. A Pearl from me to you: stay away from their oysters.

SFG

2004-09-21T15:08:00.000-04:00

Here's me looking So Fucking Glam

A few weeks ago, we celebrated Guillermo's brithday (aka Glam). Highlights inlcuded: 15 different kinds of Champers a chez Guillermo. Carl having an article written about him (le grand darling). A special guest appearance by Tall Jackie. And of course DRAMA. Some say best party since G's last party.

NYC Hooters' Girls:Not Hott

2004-09-17T11:01:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, we went to Hooters for lunch. Yes Hooters. At first, I thought the proposition was a joke, but nay. I've never actually been to a Hooters but I'm always up for crazy Benny Hill type hyjinks. Here's the deets on Hooters Midtown, NYC.
THE GIRLS AREN'T HOTT. They all looked really strung out, frankly. Sure they had on short shorts---over gross orangey/brown stockings, the kind you hoped you're mom didn't pick up form the bargain ailse at CVS when you were in grammar school. And if you come to Hooters Midtown, NYC, don't expect to see any ta tas. The girls aren't showin' 'em. Also, the airconditioning is broken at this location. And it smells like the old Crisco can filled with home-made lard my mom still keeps under the sink. Food wise, it's mediocre. The clientele is pretty much what you'd expect at any chain restaurant in Midtown. A few suits. Some trashy tourists and o fcourse the table of Servicemen who turned to stare at me as I came in since I was the only female in the place without an owl on my shirt or clad in acid washed jeans.
But I'm kinda down with the mantra of Hooters:
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
Apply for a job at Hooters, and you could be working alongside these people in no time.

Oh, and no crazy Benny Hill hyjinks to report.

C-Span the Hottest Network Eva--Watch it Tonight

2004-09-16T10:39:00.000-04:00

C-Span's buzz factor just jumped 6 million points. Tonight from 6-8, International Enigma Blair will be moderating:

Does the U.S. have a
long-term strategy in the Muslim world?

with these people:

Gautam Adhikari
Former Executive Editor, Times of India
Mouafac Harb
Director, Network News, Radio Sawa & Al Hurra Television
Ambassador Robert Oakley
Former U.S. Ambassador to Pakistan
Thomas Lippman
Former Middle East bureau chief, The Washington Post

So get "on the bus" and "tune in."

Better than Ezra, Even

2004-09-15T15:43:00.000-04:00

So funny. So entertaining. And it even drops "Better ask somebody." What.

The BIG BRING BACK Part IV

2004-09-15T13:43:00.000-04:00

The J-Razz is bringing back "blinkin.'" Like if you're at Outback and your Sweet Chook O'Mine is long overdue, you might say something like "I ordered the blinkin' thing 30 minutes ago. Where's my blinkin' chicken!" Everyone has to bring back something as this is The Big Bring Back. Betta ask somebody about it. What. What are you bringing back?

He's Got Problems of His Own

2004-09-15T13:15:00.000-04:00

Flava Flav is in the Duane Reade in the lobby of my office building filling out an application. For real.

I Won't Let You Down, I Will Not Give You Up

2004-09-15T11:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I thought I made some really poor choices. I bought two cds. One was tegan and sara. I purchased this cd on the advice of a friend (who some call Yorge) who rarely leads me astray. I should have known after discovering that they were the lastest lesbian alternative duo that it was probably not the smartest investment. Yorge heard good things about them them though. After getting back from VirginMega e-mailed me a review...from YM. Really? Are you kidding me? Yorge missed the fact that YM is a magazine for 12-15 year olds. Woops.

The other questionable purchace involved the "Georgeous" man above. Whilst eating a panini, Father Figure came on the radio, and I realized "I don't have nearly enough George in my life." I looked up from my sandwhich and proclaimed, "I'm going to buy George Michael's Greatest Hits." Yorge snickered, "OOOOK," but then confessed he had a thing for Careless Whisper. This album contains about five good songs. Five out of 30. Who ever heard of I Want Your Sex (Part II)? So durst. I payed $12 for the cd and considered it a loss.
Goroge Michael played a big part in one of the more outstanding nights in recent CC history. I was with my favorite New Year's buddies, Helena and Guillermo at Jordi's palacial Manhattan pad to ring in 2003. We were dressed to the nines, drinking Veuve from the bottle (or at least I was, which may have been the reason I was found in the kitchen at 2am trying to channel I Dream of Jeannie in an effort to sober up).

Earlier in the evening, we partook in a New Year's ritual that required everyone to pick a piece of paper out of a basket. The paper had on word on it, and that word was supposed to motivate us. Usually, I just open a fortune cookie on New years Eve but close enough. While we were finding out what our concentration should be for the New Year, Freedom came on the stereo (incidently, my paper read "Faith" another stellar George Michael song). A few started singing along, then a few bodies began moving and suddenly, 40 people were doing a full on dance routine comperable to any Broadway finale. It was amazing. There are times when you laugh and your face beams; all the happiness in you rising to the surface and in that moment you are truly free. Sitting here now, surrounded by people who remain strangers to me, I listen to Freedom. The $12 dollars I paid for the cd was worth it just for this one song and the memories it conjurs.

Next Week Tara Reid Attends the Opening of an Envelope

2004-09-15T10:18:00.000-04:00

Tara Reid is either my personal hero or a total disgrace. She's been in like three movies, all of them horrific. She can't act to save her life, she's not even really that pretty, and yet she's a Hollywood mainstay. She goes to every party, has a ridiculous house all without having worked in years (aside of course from My Bosses Daughter which I'm not even considering a moive, clears). She dated Carson Daly for Christ's Sake. Sigh. This week Tara was at a multiple wedding on 57th St. given by none other than polyester-blend fashion house JCPenny.
I think I'll go with Ms. Reid being my personal hero. You gotta give the girl props for knowing how to search out the free Booze. However, once she starts modeling for the Sears Catalogue, it's over.

I don't Know How to Discribe It...It Tastes Like Fluffy Fluffy Clouds Hee Hee Hee

2004-09-15T10:07:00.000-04:00

There's a scary rumor going around about the future of Iron Chef. It's been said that it's over. In fact, the J-man swears he saw the last episode where Sakai takes on "the best chef in the world" (we're not sure exactly who that is )wins, and then crys. Will there be any new challanges from Kitchen Stadium? Will that weird guy bite in to anymore peppers? Has the "actress" giggled her last giggle? If anyone has the answers, let me know.

Good News/Bad News

2004-09-13T17:13:00.000-04:00

The good news is that I can start carrying automatic weapons again. You have no idea how imcomplete I've felt without my AK-47.
The bad news is that The Governator outlawed necrophilia in Cali. Shucks.

What I Have In Common with the Cast of The Apprentice: Friendster Gives the Deets

2004-09-13T13:44:00.000-04:00

I'm starting with Raj cause he's my favorite, obvioulsy. I carried a cane to Prom (the cane came from Philly too) so I'm pretty sure we're soulmates.
Origins: We're both originally from Pennsylvania
School: We both graduated with degrees in history. He went to Boston for Undergrad--I visited Boston once in college.
Film: He likes Patton, I like Patton.
About Us: He's climbed the Himalayas, I've watched a movie about it. We're both pompus. Who he wants to meet: Me, clearly. Jig it out: To be perfectly honest, I enjoy making the acquaintance of beautiful and charming women who are skilled at the art of flattery most of all. They promote, at least in the short term, a feeling of happiness. In the absence of this, and since there are only so many of the former, I do enjoy meeting truly unique and intelligent characters who enjoy lively and frank conversation. I dislike phonies very much, and they, as well as insecure people, generally dislike me.
Other info: Bitch uses exclaimation marks, which is of course, busted.

Jon:
Origins: SF. I used to live in SF.
School: He went to Berkley. I spent a Fourth of July in Berkley.
Music: He listens to Bob Marley which means he's a dope smoker. I've got Kaya.
Movies: His favorite movie is Top-Gun. Zoinks. His favorite band should be TOOL.
Who he wants to meet: He doesn't care, as long as they like dogs, he doesn't trust people who don't like dogs. I mean, it's one thing to say you the people you want to meet have to like Zeppelin, but dogs? Whatevs bro.
Other info: Bitch uses exclaimation marks, which is of course, busted.

Andy: I had high hope for him...not anymore.
Origins: Boca. I had a chum in college who was from Boca. He left a whole bunch of crap on his pourch one weekend for the homeless people. I walked away with a stringless electric guitar (I was going to turn that into " art") and a boatlaod of antique silverwear that I left strewn at the bottom of the stairs to my apparment for 7 months. The rest of his profile was so dull I couldn't be bothered.
Other info: He doesn't use exclaimation marks, bonus.

Ok. I thought this was going to be fun/funny. Rather, it was an exercise in stupidity. All these people are boring. Marina actually wrties this phrase in the "Interests" section of her profile " motivating others to step outside their comfort zones and make changes that will forever change their lives" Um yeah. They(save Andy) are gratuitous users of exclaimation marks. Busted ladies and gentlemen, busted.

My Tiara is Made Out of Plastic and Sequins...I Guess I Just Don't Fit In

2004-09-10T11:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I bought this book. Purely as an educational tool; I feel it's very important to understand pop culture since it's the bible of so many in today's society.
So far, I'm learning ALOT. Like I might be depressed because I have a tendency to wear black (nevermind the fact that my office requires that I dress like I'm in mourning). Going out in the rain is a no no, especially since I don't own a Gucci umbrella. I guess that throws my love for playing outside during storms right out the window. I also need to figure out what my "good side" is so that I can always be perpared when someone takes my picture. That's my assigment for today.
I'll have a full review of this book on Monday. I can't wait for Chapter 3: Date Guys With No Money Cause No One Expects You To. Clearly.

Tears Roll Down

2004-09-10T11:10:00.000-04:00

I wrote the MOST EPIC POST EVER about The Fair and Last weekend's YES concert. It got erased. It's a bad omen, I can feel it.

More Buzz than the TIme I THought Duran Duran Was Going On Tour

2004-09-09T15:15:00.000-04:00

TEARS FOR FEARS IS BACK!!! They have a new album coming out September 14th, but the big news is they're starting a US tour October 21st(so says The Times). No dates have been set however. In other Tears for Fears news, they're still number one on the list of "Not Gay, Just British." Way to go guys.

Also, Duran Duran is plyaing in Berlin on October 3rd. Tickets are still available.

Rusell Simmons:Asking Somebody About It. What.

2004-09-08T10:45:00.000-04:00

This actually happened a while ago but I'm running it now cause I heart Russel Simmons. A few months ago, Mr. Simmons was at a fund riaser given by Chevy Chase. When the celebrity attendees weren't ponying up enough ciznash, he chided them by saying,"The basis of your life is what you give - and life gives to the givers and takes from the takers." "All of those who have success and can't share are not really rich."
That's the what's up.

WIll Do

2004-09-02T16:13:00.000-04:00

Today after work I'm going to smoke alot of cigarettes. My tummy hurts and I think it's the only way to solve the problem. I'm also going to do my best to be in a rock video or meet a rock star, or at least someone with an interesting name. It's good to have goals.

Acceptance

2004-09-02T13:55:00.000-04:00

My imrpov class is composed of a bunch of freaks, including myself. There's one gentleman in particular who really waves his freak flag high. We'll call him R. I've always found it amusing that there are even outcasts amoung outcasts, whose homes lie far beyond the land of the misfit toys. R. is generally regarded as one of these, whose outlandish and often creepy actions remind us of the socially inept kid who sat behind us in 4th grade making a 2nd Batallion out of boogers and attaching aluminum foil left over from his lunch to a pencil with the hope of contacting his home planet.
R. never really made it out of that stage. Sure he's over 40 and graduated from the Berkley School of Music, but he still gallops around the room shoeless mumbling words and phrases that when put together...well let's just say no one would be surprised if he conjured up a creature from past who currently has a face that can only be seen in a pack of MagiCards. R. is the one everone wishes will lose in the 4th round of Hit Man, a game that allows ousted players to distract those who are still "hit men." We stand over him, screaming until his concentration is lost and he breaks a rule, forcing him out of the circle.
It's hard not to openly laugh at R. When he runs to the middle of the stage flailing his limbs about as he sings a garbled rendition of "I'm a little teapot." His version however goes more like, "I'm a little teapot short and fat, here is my handle, here is my mouth." As he sings, now practically jogging in place, his hands flutter in front of his face and I think, "If it were anyone else doing this dance that would make any retarded person proud, it would be funny, but he's not really trying to be funny and so it's just sad."
Last week I wore a polyester tank-top to class. Polyester doesn't allow the skin to breath and therefore shouldn't be worn while doing activities that may cause one to sweat. Over the years, I have ignored my own advice completely and this night was no exception. After several rounds of "Superhero" I just wanted to run out of the room and hide. My "Superhero" action pose required me to launch my arms up over my head, drop to one knee and look to the sky, wrists crossed, chest high. After about 3 rounds my arms did not soar above me ready to attack an evil villan, rather they were clentched to my sides to as not to reveal the evil stench lurking under my arms. No, this superhero needed to change into a new outfit, immediately. After class, a friend and I were going to get a drink. He noted the musty odor that encapuslated the practice room and said he was sure it was R. I revealed myself as the one who needed a shower, but my friend insisted that it could not have been me. No really, I protested, I promise you, it's me. We went for marguritas, my friend still unconvinced.
This week, however, everything changed. We arrived for class at 7 o'clock, our instructor no where to be found. So we decided to play. The class circled up intent on creating a blues song; the suject being our missing teacher. Each of us belted out an improvised line, but something was missing. Music. There was a piano in the room and R. sat down and began to play. Soon everyone was laughing and hollering, clapping at the ingenuity behind eachothers lines. We did a few numbers. One reggae, one opera, one honkey-tonk. R. took on each of the genres with ease, his nimble fingers giving us the pitch and rythyms needed to create such masterpieces as, "Where the Hell Is This Guy" and "I Want a Refund." When we were finished we whooped and clapped, shouting, "R! Yay R! That was Awsome!" He blushed and bowed his head.
Our instructor fially showed up and we began improvising scenes. Suddenly, people weren't avoiding the possibility of having to play son or co-worker or friend to the balding and bumbling R. As R jogged in place, waiting to walk onto the next scene, I detected a curvature of his lips that resembled a smile. Was the smile in recognition of being accepted or did he just receive some good news from his home planet?

The New and Improved MetroComb

2004-09-01T12:05:00.000-04:00

The other day as I was taking the train home from work, a man stepped into my car and appeared to cross himself. "Did he just do that?",I thought. Then I saw the "I love Jesus" key chain around his neck and it was confirmed. The next thing I knew the guy takes his MetroCard and starts running it down his face in an effort to rid himself of the sweat that had collected on his brow. Hmmm. Then he takes the sweat laden MetrCard and flicks it so the beads of perspiration go flying. Now, I'm laughing, and so hard that I actually had to turn around. I wonder though, "Will he do it again?" Certainly, and I watch him brush the sweat from his face, not with his sleeve, but with his MetroCard. He then took it one step further and began using the card as a comb. Everyonce and a while he would pick bits off the card and study them before disposing of them onto the floor. It was amazing. This man groomed himself for a good ten minutes with his MetroCard. Who knew?

This is My United States Of WHATEVER

2004-09-01T11:51:00.000-04:00

W O W. So last night, after finishing up some correspondence, I hunkered down to watch some of the Republican National Convention (RNC). I tuned in just at the right time; The Govenator (aka Arnold) was just walking on stage. He opened with "I was in a movie called True Lies; that's what the Democratic National Convention should have been called." He went on to toss around jokes about his action hero past so no one would think he was taking himself too seriously. Good move Arnold. The best though was when he challened those who were skeptical of Bush's economic policies to "not be economic girlie-men." That was awsome! Dude said "girlie-men" at the effing RNC. And everybody loved it! The crowd was going nuts. This truly is America.

Autumn, Apples & Beer

2004-08-31T15:53:00.000-04:00

The begining of Autumn is a wonderful time of year. The heat lets up yet you can still go out with a minimal amount of outer-wear. I've been itching for a road trip for some time now and there's no better season than fall. The leaves are changing and everything becomes a mellow golden yellow. So this October, J-mizzie, myself and Nav are packing up the car and going upstate for some kind of "fest" whether it be apple, wine, beer, chestnut, or ginseng (oh yeah, there's a ginseng and herbal fest in the catskills). Along the way, we're meeting up with the Marks' (aka the LA formerly known as Wolf and Paul probounced Powl). I can just see it now, the five of us throwing around the football, beers in hand, laughing as we don some gloves as the sun goes down halfway through the 4th quater.....or you know, whatever. I've found a few, but if anyone knows a good Autumn festival, clue me in please.

Man Grows a Jaw in His Back, Has a Bratwurst to Celebrate

2004-08-27T12:49:00.000-04:00

A German man lost his jaw to cancer so doctors grew a replacement jaw in his back, cut it out and inserted it in the vancant space. Yet, the man can't get dentures. It sounds to me like the proffessor from Gilligan's Island was working on him. That guy could make a radio with two coconuts and a leaf but he couldn't fix a two foot hole in a boat.

Riddicule IS Funny, Gosh.

2004-08-26T15:46:00.000-04:00

This is why this girl writes for PaloAltoOnLine. Palo Alto Online? You've got to be kidding me.

TIna Come Get Some Ham!

2004-08-26T12:50:00.000-04:00

Flippin' sweet. Here's a soundboard for one of the better movies in a while. Dig.

It's the Key to a Sublime Existence Fuck Face

2004-08-26T12:15:00.000-04:00

Some people just don't get it. It amazing to me, really. Having a permanent soundtrack is the greatest thing ever. It's like being in a movie ALL THE TIME, which obviously rules. I'm always listening to music. I even sleep with music on. I've been working on my personal soundtrack for years and if I had my drothers, I'd be making soundtracks for a living. Though I don't have an iPod (becaue I'm way to lazy to down load my collection), I'm still pretty sure that these people are idiots. Yeah, you and you. (via stereogum)

Also. Gmail rules!

I'm Going to Confession Right After Work

2004-08-24T16:29:00.000-04:00

I find it both frightening and disconcerting that a sign that the end of the world is near was only posted in Oddly Enough on Yahoo!. Shouldn't that shit be like headline news? But instead it's like "Oddly Enough, the wrath of God is coming"....wait, actaully, that is pretty funny.
Usually, on my way to and from this place I call work, I fantasize about blowing everyone away on kareoke night at Junno's with whatever song happens to be playing on my discman at that moment. Most of the time these fantasies involve some sort of dance routine and a back-up band usaully with me playing the tambourine. Sometimes, though, I upgrade myself to lead guitar. If Armegedon is coming, I'm SO playing lead guitar this afternnon. (I should stop doing this, for when I'm actually doing kareoke it's pretty much a given that I'm drunk, clutching a martini and a smoke trying to sing something impossibly out of my range and then I get sad that everyone didn't see the true talent that I have and the whole thing sort of takes on a rinse and repeat cycle). Look out for these guys, they may look like good conversationalists, but God help you if you're a leaf.

It Was Just a Suggestion

2004-08-24T13:39:00.000-04:00

So I read several blogs in an effort to keep up on pop culture. One such blogger (G the B/F) had this to say in a recent post:

And bands. bands are dumb. rock'n'roll is fun, but its not important at all.

I rarely comment on other people's blogs but felt that this needed to be addresed. I suggested he start listening to Tull, the Dead, Bowie, Steely Dan, Yes, Rush. Here's what he had to say to me:

And as for real music? Fuck the Dead, fuck Yes, fuck Rush. neil pert? are you fucking kidding me? maybe if you got that fucking doobie out of your mouth, you'd realize how fucking shitty your advice is.

You might say, this guy just needs to get laid. But according to his blog, he gets laid all the time. So I have no diea what his problem is.

Classis Rock Rules. Betta ask somebody about it. What.

Jeddy D Places 4th in Athens

2004-08-24T10:20:00.000-04:00

Jed and the Men's Foil Team came in 4th on Saturday, their best placement since 1956. So much best.

Decay

2004-08-23T16:25:00.000-04:00

It appears that Modest Mouse, The Killers and The Walkmen are going to be on future episodes of the O.C. All I can say about that is SIGH.
Pete Bauer, basist for The Walkmen, has this to say about the upcoming project:
"The characters are opening a club — like the Peach Pit After Dark on '90210' — it's called the Bait Shop," "They wanted a band to open it up. So I think we're the first band at the Bait Shop."
If this is true, I'm moving to mars.
This is a formal appology for all the misspellings and word omitions that occur in each and every post on this blog. Actually, I was going to call this post DISINIGRATION but I'm not sure if that's the correct spelling and it would be really bad if I spelled the title of a post about misspellings wrong. Oh yeah and then there's the grammer. Really, this should be comforting to everyone as I'm constantly correcting people's grammer and pronounciation, causing them to spit in my face or tell me to fuck off. See, I'm not perfect after all (even though I did win the award for best editor of the F&M History Club Newsletter EVA).

Wyatt Wins GOLD (just as I thought)

2004-08-23T16:08:00.000-04:00

YAY! Wayatt and the other members of the Men's Eight brought home the GOLD MEDAL yesterday. Some say biggest news this blog has ever seen (save for Coachella and the time that I got locked out of my appartment and decided it wouldn't be so bad to sleep on on the sidewalk at 6 in the mo'nin'). I can't post of picture at the moment cause my "computer" at "work" is a BITCH.
Biggest cheers EVA.

All of the Beautiful Colors are Very, Very Meaningful

2004-08-23T14:45:00.000-04:00

Right. So I was at VirginMega today and Counting Crow's Greatest Hits was calling to me. Why, I have no idea. I bought it. I've never really liked them but there it was: the red and tangerine leaves on the jacket practically rustling in the wind. Oddly enough, I actaully know most of the songs on the album and it's kind of ok. It's a dangerous cd for me to own though. It's one of those cds I could put on, drink a bottle of wine, get all introspective (read: drunk) and then start calling people.

J and I have gotten are so fed up with the world of appartment hunting that we're spent. These people who try to show us places to live are so crazy (as I pointed out in a recent post). The Mizzie and I have taken to calling eachother through out the day pretending to be brokers. Here are some recent messages.

Me: Hallo. Eeet is Armagedon Sellmeakaabob. I have wonderfull 1 bed room that could be a flex 8. I have also many other wonderful things to be showing you.

J Mizzie: This is Piza Pizza. I have flex 3 bedroom. Shower in kitchen, save you time.

Clearly, we're bored. Though apparently not as bored as these people:
Bob Saget, Satan or Saint. You decide, if you dare.

I've Got Troubles

2004-08-20T15:51:00.000-04:00

I used to rock Red lipstick all the time. I have many shades, my favorite being Ruby Woo. But for the last three years or so, I haven't been able to wear any of them. I feel like it looks strange. Nothing about my hair or face has changed in that time but somehow, it just doesn't work. I'm putting this on the top of my list of things I need to take care of because obviously, this is a major problem.

Guided By Voices (aren't we all)

2004-08-19T13:15:00.000-04:00

Here's the deets. You should go, they're fabulous and it's free.
Thursday August 19
New York, NY - Hudson River Rocks Pier 54
Hudson River Park Public Pier 54 @ 7:00
13th St. & West Side Highway
Capacity: 7000 Age Limit: All
Ticket Price: FREE

And the requisit after party:
Tonic, (107 Norfolk St. b/w Delancy & Rivington)
Be there or be squizzie.

Paris Loses Dog;Terror Alert Rises to Red

2004-08-18T15:20:00.000-04:00

A world in which a girl can lose a dog wearing pink sneakers is a world I don't want to live in. I just got off the phone with fellow former Pennsylvanian Tom Ridge and he states that in light of this lastest attack on American freedom, he's raising the Terror Alert to RED. I'm holing a candle light vigil for Tinkerbell at the Pet Co. in Union Square.

This is the reall terror alert level. I'll be sure and let y'all know if it cahnges.

Everybody's an Olympian

2004-08-18T12:57:00.000-04:00

It appears that I know half the US Olympic Team (or at least two people). Two good friends of mine are competeing in this years games. Wyatt, picutured above just won the first heat in the Men's Eight. This means that next week they could win the GOLD. I was with him about three weeks ago. We were having dinner and I noticed that I was transfixed on what he was eating, even though we were having the same thing. I thought, "Can he eat that? Is he breaking some sort of strict diet?" Apparently not. It's crazy cause he's only been rowing since 1997. So he's pretty much the stizznizzle.

This Jed (aka Jeddy D). We went to High School together. Jed was also a champion soccer player so he ended up having to to chose between fencing and soccer. He chose the more romantic sport. I'd recall stories about Jed but I'll wait till after the games are over.

Really? Maybe You Should Get a Second Opinon

2004-08-18T12:18:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to spend as much time with best evs The One and Only Panda as I can before she moves to HOTLANTA. Because of this I have met a few of her old friends. One such firend asked me out. I was going to elaborate on our time together because many funny things occured, but I think I can sum everything up in a conversation we had on that phone last week. Guy was having a problem with his ear. He went to the doctor. Diagnosis: He needs to stop having so much fun haning out with cute blonde girls. His resonse to the diagnosis: I don't care how much pain I'm in, she's too great a girl to stop seeing. I'm never calling him again.

Beautiful 1BR Flex 8

2004-08-18T10:50:00.000-04:00

This morning as I sat in front of this box of parts some may refer to as a computer, and tried desperately not to look on craigslist. It's like a crack addiction. I have to look, and then I have to call up the Times and look there afterwhich I check out the "New and Noteworthy" at Ardorny. Hoping and praying that the perfect three bedroom has just been posted. Then I start making phone calls. The appartments they post are always taken but the kind brokers always have other places to show me, most of which do not meet our criteria, but we never find that out till we're actaully in the appartment because the brokers really don't like to give you much information about a place in an effort to trap you into a deal. Hoodwinkers, the lot of them.
Here's the latest crazy story invovling me and a broker. I goes something like this: Jen (broker) pickes me up in her Mitsubishi convertable. She drives like a maniac. She rear-ends a car on Broome St. but noting not damage, she waves at the driver and speeds off. She takes me to see crap appartments. I think she's high the whole time. She leaves me in the car while she gets some keys to an appartment she wants to show me as well as some "money some people owe me." We're parked illegally on Houston. I don't drive standard. TWO sets of police come by. I sweat profusly. Luckily, they dont' say anything to me and I'm left to wait anxiously for this crazy girl who wants to set me up with one of her friends cause she can tell I like "bad boys." She gets back in the car. She rolls a joint, smokes it and proceded to stuff her face full of chewy Japanese candies. She borrows five dollars in quarters from me. She begins to cry beacuse the "people who owe her money" didn't give it to her and now she can't make her car payment and her mom is sick and she has to suppoert her. I ask her to drop me off at the next corner.
I lasted till just about the bitter end with this person why? Because even though I knew right away she was a total nutcase, I thought, "What if she has a great listing, I don't want to miss out." That's how bad it is. By the way, the picture above? Not the place I'll be living in.

You Want Me To Do What Now?

2004-08-17T17:23:00.000-04:00

Between the fifteen thousand hours a day that I spend looking for a place to live and and the the eight hundred hours I spend trapesing around the NYC looking at these crap dwellings, I haven't had time to update the world on the sights and sounds of my day to day in this fair city. But fear not, tomorrow I shall return with a full re-cap of my retardedness. In the mean time, contemplate this: yesterday, I saw a wmoan wipe a dog's ass after it took a shit.

Ding Chop

2004-08-10T16:33:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow's An Evening With RUSH. The Jansens, The J-mizzie and I will be making the treck out to the "Land of No Alcohol" aka Jones Beach. This concert is sure to be retarded. I can't wait to check out the scene. I'll be Flying by Night and giving props to the Working Man, clearly.

I'm totally convinced that things are on the up and up around here. Thre are many reasons for this, but the biggest is this: Alf is getting his own talk show. The awsomeness of this is flipping overwhelmeing. Maybe this time, he'll answer my fan mail and not leave me out in the cold like he did when I was 8. But, it's made me stronger I think. [snapps to Grambo]

I went to see Napoleon Dynamite last night. Finally. I went by myself. My mom thought that was sad but I was like whateva I do what I want. Sometimes you gotta carpe diem. That's the what's up. So this is a fantastic movie. So much fun I highly reccomend going--then you can trade lines back and forth with your friends like I did over lunch today. Come to think of it, my whole "I do what I want" attitude is pretty much point on with what Napoleon is trying to do. Only and idiot wouldn't go see this movie, and no one wants to be an idiot.

A late dinner was had with The One and Only Panda aka Best Evs and The Sis Who Likes Greyhounds. Stories were swapped regarding last weeks Thursday Night Drunk Fest (Best) including the drunkness sticking arounf until late on friday afternoon. Don't call AOL when you're drunk. That's a PEARL from me to you. I had a drink last night called a Mist Connection. It was horrible. When I ordered it, it was simply for the name having no idea what as in it. It was like an Olf Fashioned gone horribly wrong. The bartender felt bad and so I got a different frink for free---something akin to a green strawberry. Whatever.
I was going to try and catch the Joshua Radin/Husky/Murray show tonight but I'm mad tired.
Oh and another PEARL: Never underestimate the power of Toad the Wet Sprocket

"Where did you go? I don't really give a shit"

OH MY GOD

2004-08-06T15:24:00.000-04:00

Rick James is dead. Holy shit. More to come.

Love God; Get a Boat

2004-08-06T13:20:00.000-04:00

Mrs. Marks (fka LA Wolf) is blessed. Somebody GAVE her a boat. I just spoke with her and she said and I quoth, "It's like I'm on vacation all the time." I'm really psyched for her and all of her happiness but I've totally figured out her scam. She and her husband run a Christian camp and therefore are ONE with the G-O-D. So I'm thinking, maybe if I start gonig to church and really asking myself, What Would Jesus Do? instead of looking for answers in the bottom of the gin bottle (which I'm still convinced works), I'd get a boat too. We'll see how this plan goes. Oh, it's gone.

Worst/Best

2004-08-06T11:11:00.000-04:00

This is the best day EVA. No, really. I'm putting in my vote...this is the nicest day this whole year. I walked outside today and I was like wow. Then, I was like why am I going to work? The answer to that is I had this really "important" project to do for a guy named Tad.
So last night's "glass of wine" with Panda turned into an all out drunk fest. Complete with me talking nonsense to strangers and doing a bunch of shots. I had to take a cab to work because I was so effing late it was ridiculous. I drunk packed for my cocktail party across the River tonight. We'll see just how bad it is later. Basically, I'm still drunk. I smell like a liquor cabinet and I've already had to have several meetings with "important" people where I've had to smile and be really wnthusiastic about such things as chroning files. But I think being drunk kind of helped because otherwise I probably would have cried considering the the state of my affiars.
So I'm calming my nerves by listening to the DEAD. Always good. I tried to call a SKIP DAY at work. Everyone laughed like "oh Claire, you're such a funny trickster" (as opposed to a no good trickster). But I was serious. Oh and clearly I was making out with boys.

Celebrity News: Much More Important than the Type of Funeral I Want

2004-08-04T15:22:00.000-04:00

Pssssst. Tom, you're gay. Just deal with it. It's cool.

William Hung debuts in Asia as Veruca Salt

This guy, also know as the Beenie Man, sings a song that goes like this:
Zagga zow, ziggy zow, zagga zow, anyhow, badman nah bow
Zagga zow, ziggy zow, zagga zow, anyhow Beenie Man and Mya deh yah now
Zagga zow, ziggy zow, zagga zow Neptune mek number one tune yo!!
Zagga zow, ziggy zow, zagga, ziggy zagga zeh zow zow

apparently, translated it means:
"that certain lyrics and recordings I have made in the past may have caused distress and outrage among people whose identities and lifestyles are different from my own."
"While my lyrics are very personal, I do not write them with the intent of purposefully hurting or maligning others, and I offer my sincerest apologies to those who might have been offended, threatened or hurt by my songs,"

Sit Me Up on the Juke Box When I Die

2004-08-04T13:17:00.000-04:00

I Last night, I was watching a very provocative television program on PBS on "at home" burials (which, incidentally, does not necessarily mean being buried in the back yard, it simply means at home preparation of the body for burial). I've totally decided that this is the way for me. When I die, especially if it's in the near future, I don't want to be taken away in a body bag by strangers and then poked and prodded and filled with pickle juice. The program gave very graphic accounts of just how gruesome embalming is. For the most part, this practice is completely unnecessary as the body does not show any advanced signs of decomposition during the first few days after death; during a traditional morning period.
America has completely sterilized both the birth and death processes over the past hundred years turning what was once important familial rituals and practices into a non-participatory and morbid industry. I'd rather my friends and family gather around me in my own home where memories, tears and laughter have been shared as opposed to a cold funeral home parlor set up to look like someone's living room.
Further more, studies show that participation in the death process can ease the grieving period and provides a better sense of closure.
Unfortunately, "at home" burials are illegal in five states including New York, but work is being done to change that.
I'm going to start looking for hand made caskets. You're all invited. There will be liquor, clearly.

I'm Here Do You Remeber Me I'm Having Fun

2004-07-31T02:39:00.000-04:00

Clearly, I'm in SF. And Drunk. And at a party. So it seems like the perfect time to update. But no, perhaps later. This is boring me and I'd rather go flirt with married people. Bovs The following is a contrabution by "a friend". So, I'm the friend... don't really feel like blogging but you know I'm just saying what I hear from the people that are actually throwing the party. CCB is having a great time and she may actually meet her match her in SF. But we'll have to wait and see. Lots of great, minds in this space...but you know what happens when too many great minds get together...not a whole lot...especially when there's illicit consumption going on. Anyway, life is rather amusing on the left coast and we could actually have a life here but only if the drug delivery service was better. Time to sign off...must go and ruin other peoples' lives. Update you all later...kisses/hugs and bugs!

Kabukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 8

2004-07-28T15:50:00.000-04:00

.

So I'm leaving tomorrow for SF for the weekend. All the Right Coasters are heading back out to the Left Coast for the anual Summer Party. This year brings the addition of Nav's best ev Ingo. We're going boating and fishing and will be doing some general yahooing. It's going to be stupid (and of course that means ridiculously fabulous. I'm going to try and post during the weekend do I don't forget any fun stuff in my drunken haze. Oh yeah, there's going to be a haze. You know I'm going to get drunk and call the boy I met a Place Pigale last time I was out there. That'll be fun. I'm very much looking forward the ridiculousness that's sure to ensue. Last year the party got so big that we broke Ziggy's balcony. Luckily, his lease was up. So this year, we're taking the party to Lake Berryessa---though having a large body of water around might not be the best idea either. Oh well, we'll see how it goes. Sadnesses though is the demise of the LSP. That's going to be difficult to handle after all these years. Squish.

In other news. I start my imporv class with the Upright Citizen's Brigade which should be interesting considering I'm really sick and about 8 people have come up to me today asking me what's wrong as if I'm crying but really I just have a masive head cold. I should have known this would happen, I get sick everytime I go away.

News From Bean Town

2004-07-27T17:12:00.000-04:00

Blair the Fabulous (aka My Favorite Englishman) writes to say he's in Boston at the Convention. This is fabulous not only because he's already met Bill and Hilary and given Ben A-fleck the what for, but because this means he's still speaking to me after an extremely crassy Memorial Day party with friends and them fam (the post I wrote about the weekend entitled "Dude How Have We Not Figured Out What the Birds are Saying" didn't include some of the finer points like my mom reading the ENTIRE commencement speach that Kurt Vonegut gave at Lehigh or my brother being so angry at this that he shot off fire arms, or me singing a fantastic rendition of ILBTs [see also the Fourth of July Post] or my mom falling off her chair or the wild dancing to Led Zepplin and champaign drinking until 4am) and a Fourth of July voice mail that I can't remember due to much of the same as above but I'm willing to bet it wasn't pretty. Hopefully, we'll hear more from Blair as the Convention steams on. Beers for everyone!!

Go Bye Bye?

2004-07-23T12:49:00.000-04:00

Whatever happened to Sweet?

Don't Stab Me, I'm Japanese

2004-07-22T15:55:00.000-04:00

Kids in Japan are wearing knife resistant clothing. It'll run you about $420 for a jacket. I'm totally buying one for my next kareoke perfomance. Also, Madre, is apparently a slogan in Japan and a cool thing to have written on your clothing. No wonder all the childrens are getting knifed. Shoulda stuck to Von Dutch...

Crappy Double Decker Bus Tour, Next Stop the Olive Garden

2004-07-22T15:40:00.000-04:00

Working in Times Square, otherwise known as Giant Headache, not only affords me the opportunity to look upon singing "cowboys" in their underwear and "George Clinton from Outer Space" freaks passing out florescent slips of paper good for 13 cents off a Diet Sprite at the corner Kwik Meal cart, but also to watch the throngs of tourists eating at Friday's, Red Lobster, Texas Texas, etc. "Why, " I wonder. You're in the NYC, do you not realize that there are 15 million restaurants here? Must you eat freeze dried chicken fingers (oh and p.s. a few tons of tyson cooked chicken were recalled today due to some bacteria--) and microwaved steaks? Clearly not. Go here for a list of the best cheap eats in the city, or so says New York Magazine

More of THE BIG BRING BACK

2004-07-22T12:02:00.000-04:00

In BIG BRING BACK news, I'm officially bringing back doi. As in duh. I'm also bringing back cereal (used in place of serious). I'm not sure if that's a personal bring back since I'm not sure if anyone else ever said that. J is bringing back uuuuhhh....no. What are you bringing back?

They're at a Casting Call for a Remake of The Brids, Doi.

2004-07-22T11:44:00.000-04:00

Luckily, LeRoy prefers to drive around on his Vespa or he could have been a casualty. 1,500 Homing Pigeons got lost in Sweeden. This is unprecedented I'm sure, or Yahoo wouldn't be reporting it. Strange shit has been happening with the birds as of late. I was just reading an article a few days ago where thousands of pelicans disapeared from a lake in the MidWest. I wasn't aware that pelicans hung out in the MidWest, but hey lower proerty taxes right?

Stars of My Childhood: Mostly Losers

2004-07-22T10:52:00.000-04:00

Right, so my darling Fred Savage, star of such unforgetable masterpieces as "Runnaway Ralph" and "Happy Birthday, Bugs!" has hit a new low. Apparently, the one time lover of Winnie Cooper is directing none other Brit Brit's sister Jamie Lynn Spears in what is sure to be the movie event of the decade, Zooey 101. Let's all bow our head in silence as we mourn the death of yet another child star. Oh, and if anyone has the last episode of the Wonder Years on tape, I'd love to see it. I was away when it aired and it hasn't been on since. A part of me will be missing until I can fill that void.

Now Sir, We're just Going to Have to Take this Off...

2004-07-21T14:25:00.000-04:00

Jake and Kirstin are breaking up. For realz. I know I said the same about Jen and Brad and their divorce hasn't dropped yet but look at this picture...clearly Kirstin can't satisfy him the way the dude in the blue button down can. Jig out Jake's my space page. [whatevs, clearly]

Only 19,523 Cities to Go...

2004-07-21T12:11:00.000-04:00

Ok. Wow. Blogger changed the template AGAIN. So much fun? We'll See. Sometimes, when I have so much going on, and so much to blog about, I freeze up. Sitting in front of the ordinator with so much buzz I feel like I'm in a hive (b); it becomes way to much and I have to decompress by reading e-online. But I've had several cups of coffee so I feel up to the challange. And freeze.

Last weekend, J went to AC for Cousin David's wedding. It was pretty much the greatest ever. I went a day early to hang out in NJ with Elaine. I took the train there. I still find trains really novel since I rarely take them. Trains are really convenient in Erope and other parts of the world but here, I feel like I'm riding an over priced cow. For example, my first train ride in the states (aside from various "antique" tains rides in places like Jim Thorpe) was from Philly to Boston. It took me almost 11 hours (8 of which I had to sit on the floor) and cost $120. Busted. Trains to Jersey, however, are very efficiant and for me, apparently they're also free.

We picked Cousin Matthew, Kiki, Beth and Jason up from Newark. ...fuck it, I'm jsut skipping to the part where we got drunk. It's alot more intersting... Fast-forwarding to Thursday...

The church was in Brigantine which is right next to AC. Since the road signs in Jersey blow, we almost missed the exit but since Elaine is a race car driver (revealed) she pulled an Andretti, taking us over a median going 75 in a mini van. Better tha n Space Mountain.We showed up at the rehersal about an hour late. The priest yelled at us. There were a bunch of people missing from the wedding party. The preiest yelled at us. I sat in the wrong pew. The priest yelled at me. Then it was over. The priest rememinded us not to come to the wedding drunk.

We had a celebration at Bobbi Jean's Grandmother's house. I drank a shitload of boxed white wine and had a Sweet Lou. After all the Bud was gone we decided to go gambling, but not before having a few cocktails at the bar at out hotel--The Tun. They were having a Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest there so it was packed. A few gimlets later I convince J that a once and a lifetime opportunity has befallen us. Here were are in AC with our relatives, our partents, friends and a whole mess of strangers AND kareoke. So we sang Sweet Home Alabama in front of everyone, finishing off with the bump. There was thunderous applause, obviously. And we added AC to the long list of places we've done the bump in.

We lost Iggy and decided taht he must have gone to one of the casinos so we set out on foot. I don't remember a whole lot of this but I believe there was a sprinkler involved. When we got to someplace called the Wild Wild West something or other, we decdied to go in. It was very dpressing. I tried to hoc my Jimmy Choo's for no reson what so ever. J told everyone in the bathroom that he rather kill a lot of people then cut down a tree. I inquired whether or not the casino had been modeled after the Red Garter Saloon (fkaBurger Barn) at Dorney Park. I lost $20 in Roulette (after looking for Red 6 for a really long time before I was informed there is no Red 6). I had a margurita to celebrate my loss.

This dude in a big leather hat came up to me and asked for a$1.25. When I turned him down, he began to freak out saying that he didn't need my money, he had his own money, he was simply asking on behalf of one of my friends. Obvioulsy this man was just a fountain of lies but I became worried that a fight might break out so I complimented him on his chapeau and explained that, "usaually, when someone asks for my money, that means he/she wants my money." Dude followed us around for a while and tried to come back to our hotel with us. We gave him the slip. Our next destination was clearly McDonalds I haven't eaten there in years so you can imagine my surprise when I found out the the #2 (two cheesebuger meal) was no longer available. I was outraged, confused, saddend and ofcourse, angry. I let everybody know it. I think it was a good decision.

We went back to our hotel and ate. I knocked a bunch of food on the floor. This amused us so then we started throwing food on the floor. Then we past out. When we woke up, it smelled.

The next day, we planned to to go the beach. We made it as far as the lobby and decided it would be better to watch movies and order room service instead. Suddenly, we had to be at the wedding. It was gorgeous. Bobbi Jean looked beautiful.

At the reception, I drank alot of wine and smoked 800 packs of cigarettes. NJ rules because you can smoke EVERYWHERE and every establishment has a cigarette machine. Fabulous. J and I cut a serious rug and were complimented out our very professional dancing abilites. We didn't steal any boats as predicted which was a good thing since I didn't really want to get arrested at my cousin's wedding.

BTW it took me so long to figure out how to work the effing picture upload on this goddamn thing that the caffine wore off and this whole post lacks humor and wit. sigh.

Oh, and one of the groomsmen called me a skanky whore, but you know, whatever.