I'm Here Do You Remeber Me I'm Having Fun

Clearly, I'm in SF. And Drunk. And at a party. So it seems like the perfect time to update. But no, perhaps later. This is boring me and I'd rather go flirt with married people. Bovs The following is a contrabution by "a friend". So, I'm the friend... don't really feel like blogging but you know I'm just saying what I hear from the people that are actually throwing the party. CCB is having a great time and she may actually meet her match her in SF. But we'll have to wait and see. Lots of great, minds in this space...but you know what happens when too many great minds get together...not a whole lot...especially when there's illicit consumption going on. Anyway, life is rather amusing on the left coast and we could actually have a life here but only if the drug delivery service was better. Time to sign off...must go and ruin other peoples' lives. Update you all later...kisses/hugs and bugs!

Kabukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 8

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So I'm leaving tomorrow for SF for the weekend. All the Right Coasters are heading back out to the Left Coast for the anual Summer Party. This year brings the addition of Nav's best ev Ingo. We're going boating and fishing and will be doing some general yahooing. It's going to be stupid (and of course that means ridiculously fabulous. I'm going to try and post during the weekend do I don't forget any fun stuff in my drunken haze. Oh yeah, there's going to be a haze. You know I'm going to get drunk and call the boy I met a Place Pigale last time I was out there. That'll be fun. I'm very much looking forward the ridiculousness that's sure to ensue. Last year the party got so big that we broke Ziggy's balcony. Luckily, his lease was up. So this year, we're taking the party to Lake Berryessa---though having a large body of water around might not be the best idea either. Oh well, we'll see how it goes. Sadnesses though is the demise of the LSP. That's going to be difficult to handle after all these years. Squish.

In other news. I start my imporv class with the Upright Citizen's Brigade which should be interesting considering I'm really sick and about 8 people have come up to me today asking me what's wrong as if I'm crying but really I just have a masive head cold. I should have known this would happen, I get sick everytime I go away.

News From Bean Town

Blair the Fabulous (aka My Favorite Englishman)  writes to say he's in Boston at the Convention. This is fabulous not only because he's already met Bill and Hilary and given Ben A-fleck the what for, but because this means he's still speaking to me after an extremely crassy Memorial Day party with friends and them fam (the post I wrote about the weekend entitled "Dude How Have We Not Figured Out What the Birds are Saying" didn't include some of the finer points like my mom reading the ENTIRE commencement speach that Kurt Vonegut gave at Lehigh or my brother being so angry at this that he shot off fire arms, or me singing a fantastic rendition of ILBTs [see also the Fourth of July Post] or my mom falling off her chair or the wild dancing to Led Zepplin and champaign drinking until 4am) and a Fourth of July voice mail that I can't remember due to much of the same as above but I'm willing to bet it wasn't pretty.   Hopefully, we'll hear more from Blair as the Convention steams on.  Beers for everyone!!

Go Bye Bye?

Whatever happened to Sweet?

Don't Stab Me, I'm Japanese

Kids in Japan are wearing knife resistant clothing.  It'll run you about $420 for a jacket.  I'm totally buying one for my next kareoke perfomance.  Also, Madre, is apparently a slogan in Japan and a cool thing to have written on your clothing.  No wonder all the childrens are getting knifed. Shoulda stuck to Von Dutch...

Crappy Double Decker Bus Tour, Next Stop the Olive Garden

Working in Times Square, otherwise known as Giant Headache, not only affords me the opportunity to look upon singing "cowboys" in their underwear and "George Clinton from Outer Space" freaks passing out florescent slips of paper good for 13 cents off a Diet Sprite  at the corner Kwik Meal cart, but also to watch the throngs of tourists eating at Friday's, Red Lobster, Texas Texas, etc.  "Why, " I wonder.  You're in the NYC, do you not realize that there are 15 million restaurants here?  Must you eat freeze dried chicken fingers (oh and p.s. a few tons of tyson cooked chicken were recalled today due to some bacteria--)  and microwaved steaks?  Clearly not.  Go here for a list of the best cheap eats in the city, or so says New York Magazine

More of THE BIG BRING BACK

In BIG BRING BACK news, I'm officially bringing back doi.  As in duh.  I'm also bringing back cereal (used in place of serious).  I'm not sure if that's a personal bring back since I'm not sure if anyone else ever said that.  J is bringing back uuuuhhh....no.  What are you bringing back?

They're at a Casting Call for a Remake of The Brids, Doi.

Luckily, LeRoy prefers to drive around on his Vespa or he could have been a casualty.  1,500 Homing Pigeons got lost in Sweeden. This is unprecedented I'm sure, or Yahoo wouldn't be reporting it.  Strange shit has been happening with the birds as of late.  I was just reading an article a few days ago where thousands of pelicans disapeared from a lake in the MidWest. I wasn't aware that pelicans hung out in the MidWest, but hey lower proerty taxes right?

Stars of My Childhood: Mostly Losers

 Right, so my darling Fred Savage, star of such unforgetable masterpieces as "Runnaway Ralph" and "Happy Birthday, Bugs!" has hit a new low.  Apparently, the one time lover of Winnie Cooper is directing none other Brit Brit's sister Jamie Lynn Spears in what is sure to be the movie event of the decade, Zooey 101.  Let's all bow our head in silence as we mourn the death of yet another child star.  Oh, and if anyone has the last episode of the Wonder Years on tape, I'd love to see it.  I was away when it aired and it hasn't been on since. A part of me will be missing until I can fill that void. 

Now Sir, We're just Going to Have to Take this Off...

Jake and Kirstin are breaking up. For realz.  I know I said the same about Jen and Brad and their divorce hasn't dropped yet but look at this picture...clearly Kirstin can't satisfy him the way the dude in the blue button down can.  Jig out Jake's my space page. [whatevs, clearly]

Only 19,523 Cities to Go...

Ok. Wow.  Blogger changed the template AGAIN.  So much fun?  We'll See. Sometimes, when I have so much going on, and so much to blog about, I freeze up.  Sitting in front of the ordinator with so much buzz I feel like I'm in a hive (b); it becomes way to much and I have to decompress by reading e-online.  But I've had several cups of coffee so I feel up to the challange.  And freeze.

Last weekend, J went to AC for Cousin David's wedding.  It was pretty much the greatest ever.  I went a day early to hang out in NJ with Elaine.  I took the train there.  I still find trains really novel since I rarely take them.  Trains are really convenient in Erope and other parts of the world but here, I feel like I'm riding an over priced cow.  For example, my first train ride in the states (aside from various "antique" tains rides in places like Jim Thorpe) was from Philly to Boston.  It took me almost 11 hours (8 of which I had to sit on the floor) and cost $120.  Busted. Trains to Jersey, however, are very efficiant and for me, apparently they're also free.

We picked Cousin Matthew, Kiki, Beth and Jason up from Newark. ...fuck it, I'm jsut skipping to the part where we got drunk.  It's alot more intersting... Fast-forwarding to Thursday...

The church was in Brigantine which is right next to AC.  Since the road signs in Jersey blow, we almost missed the exit but since Elaine is a race car driver (revealed) she pulled an Andretti, taking us over a median going 75 in a mini van.  Better tha n Space Mountain.We showed up at the rehersal about an hour late.  The priest yelled at us.  There were a bunch of people missing from the wedding party.  The preiest yelled at us.  I sat in the wrong pew.  The priest yelled at me.  Then it was over. The priest rememinded us not to come to the wedding drunk.

We had a celebration at Bobbi Jean's Grandmother's house.  I drank a shitload of boxed white wine and had a Sweet Lou.  After all the Bud was gone we decided to go gambling, but not before having a few cocktails at the bar at out hotel--The Tun.  They were having a Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest there so it was packed.  A few gimlets later I convince J that a once and a lifetime opportunity has befallen us.  Here were are in AC with our relatives, our partents, friends and a whole mess of strangers AND kareoke.  So we sang Sweet Home Alabama in front of everyone, finishing off with the bump.  There was thunderous applause, obviously.  And we added AC to the long list of places we've done the bump in. 

We lost Iggy and decided taht he must have gone to one of the casinos so we set out on foot.  I don't remember a whole lot of this but I believe there was a sprinkler involved. When we got to someplace called the Wild Wild West something or other, we decdied to go in.  It was very dpressing.  I tried to hoc my Jimmy Choo's for no reson what so ever. J told everyone in the bathroom that he rather kill a lot of people then cut down a tree.  I inquired whether or not the casino had been modeled after the  Red Garter Saloon (fkaBurger Barn) at Dorney Park. I lost $20 in Roulette (after looking for Red 6 for a really long time before I was informed there is no Red 6).  I had a margurita to celebrate my loss.

This dude in a big leather hat came up to me and asked for a$1.25.  When I turned him down, he began to freak out saying that he didn't need my money, he had his own money, he was simply asking on behalf of one of my friends.  Obvioulsy this man was just a fountain of lies but I became worried that a fight might break out so I complimented him on his chapeau and explained that, "usaually, when someone asks for my money, that means he/she wants my money."  Dude followed us around for a while and tried to come back to our hotel with us.  We gave him the slip.  Our next destination was clearly McDonalds I haven't eaten there in years so you can imagine my surprise when I found out the the #2 (two cheesebuger meal) was no longer available. I was outraged, confused, saddend and ofcourse, angry.  I let everybody know it.  I think it was a good decision. 

We went back to our hotel and ate.  I knocked a bunch of food on the floor.  This amused us so then we started throwing food on the floor.  Then we past out.  When we woke up, it smelled.

The next day, we planned to to go the beach.  We made it as far as the lobby and decided it would be better to watch movies and order room service instead.  Suddenly, we had to be at the wedding.  It was gorgeous.  Bobbi Jean looked beautiful.

At the reception, I drank alot of wine and smoked 800 packs of cigarettes.  NJ rules because you can smoke EVERYWHERE and every establishment has a cigarette machine.  Fabulous.  J and I cut a serious rug and were complimented out our very professional dancing abilites.  We didn't steal any boats as predicted which was a good thing since I didn't really want to get arrested at my cousin's wedding.

BTW it took me so long to figure out how to work the effing picture upload on this goddamn thing that the caffine wore off and this whole post lacks humor and wit.  sigh.

Oh, and one of the groomsmen called me a skanky whore, but you know, whatever.

Le Jour Heureux de Bastille Tout le Monde !

Oui, un autre Jour de Bastille est sur nous. Je celbratinai avec une baguette et quelque vin. Espérons que vous ferez pareil. Je vais essayer de parler le français toute la journée, mais jusqu'ici, il ne va pas bien puisque personne je sais parle cette belle langue. Un de mes mémoires les plus amatrices de Jour de Bastille était en 1996. Pendant qu'à Paris, j'avais l'occasion de boire et danser avec beaucoup de marins dans un vieux fort. C'était meilleur. Donc obtenir hors vos bérets et vos attitudes et donne un pain grillé aux grenouilles, ils nous ont donné Gerard Depardu après tout.

The Wedding is TOTALLY Off

Right. So I can understand spending over $1,500 on phone sex call because it's so hard to get ass when you're famous. And $1,700 for an action figure, sure it's geeky but we'll just call that an "investment." But please, actually paying for Louis Vuitton suits? That's so busted, doesn't he know he can get that shit for free?

Do the Nasty, Save the Rainforest

This is something I never thought of. Getting it on in the name of the environment. Totally my next career move. Big ups to Mayo and Nav for the link.

Golden God Anyone?

I'm perfect. Are you? Not to mention the BEST PERSON EVER!

I Want to Believe

It's World UFO Day today. British people believe in UFO's too. It's not just me, Mulder and Scully.

Do You Know What You Are?

You're a bunch of art fags.

I'm Totally Buying a Boat Immediatado

Last night was The Samples show. It was on a boat. Boats are the coolest thing ever. They played Did You Ever Look So Nice and Little Silver Ring. The Samples are such a great band. Their sound quality is always exactly the same (perfect). I'm thinking of wuitting my job and going on tour with them. There's all kinds of happiness and love coming from them. The crwod was the same; all kinds of happy-go-lucky people who weren't all bitter and angry (or at least checked it at the dock) it was refreshing to cruise around the harbor and not have people scream anti-American sentiments while we past the Statue of Liberty.

Before the show, I met Tim for a drink. I've been having a really hard time normal as of late, so I'm quite certain I freaked him out. Then we met Jamie, walked to the pier and talked about the Penthouse Club.

Then I had four Vodkas.

We took pictures of eachother on the boat and thanked one another over and over for being cool enough to apreciate all the great things the nyc has to offer in the way of boats. Then I cried cause I didn't win the lottery. I feel like there was dancing involved.

We met the lead singer and I said something really silly like "Hey, I saw you in Nashville last summer. It was great." I was hoping that by throwing in the Nashville part he would see that I was a devoted fan and be like "Wow I can't believe you were there...that's awsome..." But not so. Whatevs.

After, we went for beers and I'm quite sure I was talking nonsense the whole time. I did however put on the best three songs ever put together for a juke-box selection. One of them was Mother Popcorn. I can't remember the other two but the bartender and the general public were really impressed.

Tonight's The Stills play a free show in Battery Park. Clearly, I'll be there.

They Have Fireworks in Iceland Too...

These are fireworks from Iceland.

So the 4th turned out ok. Helena came with Gabe. It was a treat. I love them. They're pretty much the best. Though I'm pretty sure they think I'm crazy. Helena and I cooed and giggled over the fact that we have the same haircut---and more so because I finally got a "grown-up" haircut. I'm finally a woman. Lani and Gabe were going to try to set me up with a boy. But I'm not really sure about that now. After my incredibly fabulous rendition of Joe Walsh's I Like Big Tits (complete with an encore performance) they may have changed their minds. Not to mention the fact that I supposedly dissed him at New Years, but I have no recollection of that so I'm discounting it. The three of us did some drunk swimming, stayed up till four and I whined cause people kept turning off my favorite Duran Duran song. Stellar.

Cousin Elaine was there too. We spent alot of time making pina coladas and cursing in the kitchen. We wre both wearing festive Uncle Sam top hats. It must of have funny for the other guests to see us in our festive Uncle Sam hats saying things like "Well, that's just a crock of shit" especially since I was in full on Southern drawl mode.

The guest of honor, however, was the Undertaker. You may remember him from such nightmares as "My Parent's Friends Try to Set Me Up With Their Son and He Tells Me That if I Die He Wants to Embalm Me so He Can See Me Naked." Yeah. So obvioulsy I never went out with this kid. When he showed up in A-town (his mom assured mine that he would be in the nyc) it was beyound funny. I could barley look at him. I think the feeling was mutual (except of course when my dress flew up in the wind and you could see my underwear). Didn't I leave the city for the weekend to get away from the crazy freaks. Oh well.

Tonight I'm going on yet another boat ride around the harbor. This time the Samples are going to play. I have to go hug a tree and put on some birkenstocks now. Peace.

They Have Fireworks in Iceland Too...

These are fireworks from Iceland.

So the 4th turned out ok. Helena came with Gabe. It was a treat. I love them. They're pretty much the best. Though I'm pretty sure they think I'm crazy. Helena and I cooed and giggled over the fact that we have the same haircut---and more so because I finally got a "grown-up" haircut. I'm finally a woman. Lani and Gabe were going to try to set me up with a boy. But I'm not really sure about that now. After my incredibly fabulous rendition of Joe Walsh's I Like Big Tits (complete with an encore performance) they may have changed their minds. Not to mention the fact that I supposedly dissed him at New Years, but I have no recollection of that so I'm discounting it. The three of us did some drunk swimming, stayed up till four and I whined cause people kept turning off my favorite Duran Duran song. Stellar.

Cousin Elaine was there too. We spent alot of time making pina coladas and cursing in the kitchen. We wre both wearing festive Uncle Sam top hats. It must of have funny for the other guests to see us in our festive Uncle Sam hats saying things like "Well, that's just a crock of shit" especially since I was in full on Southern drawl mode.

The guest of honor, however, was the Undertaker. You may remember him from such nightmares as "My Parent's Friends Try to Set Me Up With Their Son and He Tells Me That if I Die He Wants to Embalm Me so He Can See Me Naked." Yeah. So obvioulsy I never went out with this kid. When he showed up in A-town (his mom assured mine that he would be in the nyc) it was beyound funny. I could barley look at him. I think the feeling was mutual (except of course when my dress flew up in the wind and you could see my underwear). Didn't I leave the city for the weekend to get away from the crazy freaks. Oh well.

Tonight I'm going on yet another boat ride around the harbor. This time the Samples are going to play. I have to go hug a tree and put on some birkenstocks now. Peace.

Fairwell Mr. Brando

Marlon Brando 1924-2004

Best Bring Back of 7/01/04

Today at lunch, The Yorge had the best BRING BACK of the day. I was telling the story of a particularly awful date when Jorge pulled out, "you should have declared a PERSONAL FIRE DRILL". It was the greatest. You may remember personal fire drill from the slangtionary days, it's like when you have to get out of somewhere fast, just call a personal fire drill. You'll be glad you did.

Yes, He Actually Used the Word "Babies"

Last night, I had absolutely zero intention of going out. But as they say no rest for the weary. So I took a fifty block walk, saw a cockroach coming out of a Starbucks (in the 40's on Lex fyi), watched in horror as a man fell in the middle of the street; a car missing him by mere inches, and laughed as I ran into the same transvestite for the eight hundreth time. Then I met up with Jamie, "numbers guy" extrodinare. Jamie is fabulous and my cousin. We had some beers with his number running friends all of whom are lovely. As we chatted about their recent arrival to the big city, I couldn't help but notice that one of the gentlemen was doing a spot on impression of Andrew Dice Clay/Vince Vaughn. It was pure insanity. We stoppped at Luna Park (go now, this is it's last summer before it becomes a playground for all the kids who don't live in Union Square) and I swear this guy actually said "Look at all the beautiful babies." This was no impression. No, this was reality. It was magnificiant. It was game like I haven't seen in a long time. Big ups. Most def.