Paris Loses Dog;Terror Alert Rises to Red

A world in which a girl can lose a dog wearing pink sneakers is a world I don't want to live in. I just got off the phone with fellow former Pennsylvanian Tom Ridge and he states that in light of this lastest attack on American freedom, he's raising the Terror Alert to RED. I'm holing a candle light vigil for Tinkerbell at the Pet Co. in Union Square.

This is the reall terror alert level. I'll be sure and let y'all know if it cahnges.